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We'll just get a new oven, we thought. But it wasn't so easy. Modern ovens start out at least 24 inches wide on the outside. Our oven wasn't quite 22 inches wide. And it wasn't as deep as modenr ovens, either (meaning how far it fit into the wall). And there's a stone fireplace directly behind the oven, meaning there wouldn't be an easy way to make it fit even if it weren't too narrow to begin with.

So in October, we went to Lowes to see about getting a new cabinet to put the oven in. To make a long story short, they talked us into having a guy come out and look the whole thing over. Maybe they could fit an oven into that cabinet.

So he made an appointment, and didn't show up. We called, and he apologized and made another appointment. The contractor showed up for this one, and he seemed knowledgeable, and very competent. He measured and computed and before he left, we'd decided to remodel the kitchen. He just needed to get his counter-top guy over there to figure out some stuff.

That was the last we heard for a little while. We're talking weeks here. I finally started calling every couple of days, and left messages (the guy never actually answered his phone). We eventually heard back from him and set up another appointment for both of the contractors to come out. And at the last minute, the contractor called and cancelled the appointment.

Sigh.

We made another appointment, and this time they made it. Again, we were impressed. The time frame here was about ten days before Thanksgiving. Again, we marveled at the possibilities. And then began another wait. We hoped in vain that we might have an oven in time to cook a turkey.

Fast forward to January 2005, the guy finally had the required paperwork sent to Lowes. But something was missing. After another week, they had it all together and we went to the store to order all of our countertops and appliances and the like, along with the final price.

Tracey H at Lowes rocked. Everyone else in the store was kind of stupid. Tracey guided us through the process like a pro, and by the time we were finished, Kim and I both wanted to marry her. The parts were ordered, the faucets and fixtures were picked out, and everything went forward.

Lowes got all of the parts ordered and they arrived. A range, a dishwasher, a new sink and faucet, laminate for the countertops, various pieces of plumbing and lumber. And it came in quickly. We set up a day to get it all installed, and we were lucky enough to schedule it for the day before Darian would be delivered.

Sure, it would be noisy and a bit of a mess, not to mention ever so slightly stressful. But it was better to get it done before Kim and Darian were there, Darian trying to sleep through the noise, and Kim trying to breast-feed with two strange contractors in the house.

Kim's mother started emptying cabinets and moving items off of the counter tops. Yesterday, Lowes arrived at our house with all of the wonderful goodies, including two monstrous boxes that held the range and dishwasher. Should I point out that we don't have a dishwasher now? That dishwasher might just be the most important part of this whole deal.

And then today, one day before these guys are coming, someone from Lowes calls me at around 6 PM. They're super sorry, they say, but the laminate that they sent to the countertop builder was wrong. And when he went to get new laminate today, there was a mix-up with the paperwork, and he couldn't pick it up. So they won't be coming to install it tomorrow. Oh, and once the countertop is built, it'll take a couple of days for it all to dry out and for the glue to set, so it'll have to be next week sometime.

Catch the problem there? The laminate arrived last Friday. There was a problem with it, so they tried to pick it up today, five days later. They can't install it for a couple of days after it's built just to be sure all the glue is dried or whatever. So here's the $64,000 dollar question:

Why didn't they notice a problem before today, and why the hell where they going to install it tomorrow if it takes two days to dry, assuming they had been able to get it straight today?

Could it be because the countertop builder, and by extension the contractor in general, are AssHats?

You bet. Oh sure, the supplier screwed up too, but it took the contractors five days to figure it out.

There is no joy in PoppeWickerville this night. And there won't be very much at Lowes tomorrow once I reach the management of this store. And if there's one more problem, we're going to tell them to come pick up all their magical boxes, cancel our newly established account with them, and pack it in their pooper.

Anybody ever gotten anything done through Home Depot?