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April 01, 2005

Decision Time...

Kim and I have reached a critical stage in our parenting cycle. With the last week’s turmoil, and the growing demands on our time from both of our jobs, we’ve decided that we have to sell off both William and Darian.

This is a difficult decision, to be sure. But it is a decision that we are being forced to make by the economic realities that we face. Here are just some of the reasons that have pushed us to this drastic choice:

  1. Our house is too small and we cannot afford to buy a new home or add on to this one with our current salaries. Hence, someone’s gotta go.

  2. We need cash quick so that we can go to St. Louis and watch our Louisville Cards whoop up on some Illinis and some Tarheels. It's just too bad there isn't any Wildcat available to kick around, too.

  3. Daycare for two kids is just too darn expensive.

  4. Kids are cute and all, but they’re hard on your wardrobe, the furniture, the grass, the dog, and the color of your hair

  5. Diapers are big problem. It’s not that we mind filling up the landfill with our child’s excrement holders, an artifact that will survive thousands of years from now without the slightest bit of breakdown or change. No, far from it. They just cost too doggone much. Seriously.

  6. Artwork is fine and dandy, but eventually you run out of room for your child’s latest masterpiece. Our walls are full, plus the refrigerator, the dishwasher, and most of the horizontal spaces throughout the house to boot. Sure, we could add a gallery to the home, but see the first item about the expense of adding on. Not gonna happen.

  7. Everyone is buying clothes for Darian right now, but the rose has lost its bloom as far as William is concerned, and he’s growing like a weed. We just can’t keep up with the length of that kid’s legs or feet.

  8. The outrageous lifestyle that Kim and I lead (tattoos, piercings, Harleys, drug-fueled orgies, ballroom dancing, and tea parties) is too much for kids to understand or handle. We’ve already started getting those awkward questions (“Mommy, did you fall face-first into a tackle box?”, “Daddy, why are you wearing that full-length dress?”) and we can’t handle it.

  9. Bed-time stories, kisses and hugs, little smiles, giggles, pattering feet, heart-felt “I love you”s, and tiny snores are greatly overrated.

  10. Messy situations where Mommy is brain dead and Daddy wants her to kick off but Grandma wants to keep feeding her sloppy joes and cheese-its through a straw are to be avoided at all costs. Kids don’t need to see that, no sir.

  11. Daddy has a gadget habit that he needs fed, and Mommy needs a new CRX.

The auction will be posted on Ebay very soon. Any of you who wish to bid, please feel free. We need all the help we can.

Yup, it’s April 1st. Oh, and this one’s for you, Barbara.

Posted by john at April 1, 2005 11:44 AM

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